The first trip to kings 11th July 2010

the bottom drawing is dylans heart ,
the top one is a normal heart. 

Today we had our appointment at kings college hospital , dad and emma (step mum )said they would come down and go with me and billy. we met them at london bridge and got the train to denmark hill to kings hospital. all week i have been sad and worried . it was good to have dad there. we went in for the heart scan we had a lady called professor allen scaned me and she was just looking at the heart after about an hour, she stopped and turned to us and said its not good! straight away billy put his head down, tears whelmed up in my eyes , she carried on to say he has bad heart complications it was called corrected heart transposition of the greater arteries, and he also had a hole in his heart. by this time tears was rolling down mine and billy face it was so hard to take in.Our poor baby boy. Why us!  professor Allen carried on to say we had two choices we could terminate the pregnancy or to carry on. if we was to carry on our baby would have to have operations nearly all through his life. it was all so hard to take in . she drawd a picture to try explain what was going on with his heart. i was trying to keep strong for billy he was soo sad and angry i think it had hit me too much. i didn’t know what to do. but straight away we decided that we both wanted to carry on with the pregnancy. this was our baby and for me i had felt him move i could not let him go . we then had another scan to check if he had all his fingers and toes and things like that . the man clarified he was a baby boy , did put a smile on my face. things was soo hard . How do you cope with the fact your baby is so poorly and he isn’t even born , we was torn apart , The lady also said she would espect my son to live to 20 .

Well today was the first of many trips to Kings , it must of been one of the hardest days of my life , up to that point ! how do you cope , the sadness the anger. This is were my normal pregnancy went out the window !