Swine flue at Christmas 2010. 25/12/10

Dylan 1 day after finding out
he had swine flu . 

Sorry i have been away from the blog for a couple of days Dylan has had a viral infection bless him, i hate it when he is ill.
Im taking you back to 24th December 2010 when Dylan was 1 and a half months old. We was all in the font room on the sofa bed , as i was closer to the open plan kitchen , we was all very ill especially me and Dylan , Dylan was so ill he just lay still all the time (lifeless) i was bed ridden i felt as tho i was dying , could hardly stand, just needed to sleep but even that seemed to hurt. Dylan finally looked so ill i called a ambulance , they came and took us to Lewisham hospital in south east London as this was our closes hospital at the time , We didn't like this as, we would of liked QE , but this was further away and Dylan needed a hospital asap. and i was in no fit state to argue. We got there and was took to the ward and put in a side room , lucky it had a fold bed for a adult so i could lay down as well. They gave Dylan fluids ,and a bit of oxygen . we stayed and waited for the results of the blood test to see what was wrong, but unfortunately the department that deals with that was closed as it was Christmas eve so we got the dreaded news that we had to stay and , that meant waking up in hospital on Dylan's fist Christmas ill and in hospital.
I was so sad and ill i could hardly keep awake , i was so worried about my baby, i haven't long had him home as we was there 2 and a half weeks when he was born. I cried for hour's that we had to stay in also they still didn't know what was wrong with him.What was wrong with him must of been what was wrong with me.
Well Christmas morning came , and the nurse came in a bought Dylan a gift from Santa as he still comes to hospitals. i was a blanket. also a goody bag that had a penguin and a lion teddy in.

We was told Dylan was stable all night so they thought we could go home and take care of him there and he should be better soon . this concerned me but i didn't want to be there no longer.

poorly billy 

Mandy (billy's mum) came and picked us up. took us home. The doctor said they would call and let us know the results of dylan's bloods as soon as they came through. I got home and collapsed on the bed. Mandy insisted we was not well and wanted us to go stay at hers and she could help keep a eye on dylan while we got some sleep. i dint like this idea to much as i don't want any one else looking after dylan especially if he is not well . But i was in no fit state to argue but i did try. So soon after i got a call from my step mum Emma. Whom i normally listen to when i am ill as she looked after me all the time as a little one. She told me to go to Mandy's, so we went and got to hers she changed the bed sheets and me and billy got in bed , we had dylan in our room till bed time then they insisted that he goes down stairs with them. But before this i got a call from the doctors the confirmed that dylan had the H1N1 virus , which i was shocked and confirmed this was swine flu i was devastated my poor tiny baby had this and so did me and billy! Mandy was a star she picked up dylans prescription from the hospital and i managed to get a prescription for me and billy from our out of hours doctors. Mandy then took all of them and travel all the way across London to get the Tammy flue medicine for us. Bu thankfully after the first dose dylan seemed to show more signs of getting better. I took a bit longer but after a few days we was back home. I hated that our fist Christmas with our baby was so rubbish. I vowed the next one would be better.

Dylan's first surgery bt shunt 16th November 2010.

16th November 2010 , 


We today was the scariest day of our life. Dylan's big day had came quick. We just wanted it to be over. 

after the op! 

cuddles before the op

telling every1 he isn't happy!

Dylan's scar 

They got him all ready and we waited till the theater was ready the surgeon Dr Auston came and explained what he would do and got us to sign a consent form , These are hard having to sign over you baby and agree that the worst could happen , but it always comes down to he needs it and its what is best for Dylan. We had lots of cuddles before he went as we wont be able to pick him up for a couple of days. Now came the most emotional bit , having to say good buy and walking away while they take him in to the theater. My dad and step mum and billy's mum was up the hospital they took us to the slug and lettuce for lunch then we got a coffee and when for a walk to the park it seemed like forever our baby had been gone.  We then had enough and headed back to the hospital , we went straight to the ward , we haven't had a call yet to say he is back , but when we got there they had just brought him back in . and was setting all the breathing and monitors up. I was glad we just when back and went to see if he was back. I just wanted to go to him , i was worried what he would look like, with all the drains and breathing tube. But even the nurses agreed he was still the cutest baby eve even with his elephant nose with the breathing tube and ng tube up them. today we just sat by his bed wishing him well. He done so well . The surgeon came and said it all when well and he shouldn't need no more operations till he is 6 months old. over night the best PICU nurse Laura turned his breathing tube nearly off so some of the time he was doing it himself , and that he should have his drains out soon and can go up to Savannah ward. This has taken me a big step to upload the pictures of my baby looking like this as i dont like seeing him like that and don't like others looking at him like it but i thought it may help others. 

My first cuddle meeting my baby 13th November 2010

13th November 2010 

Meeting Dylan for the fist time
His first feed. 

First feed 

mummy and Dylan at 2am

Today was the first day i got to go and hold my baby boy , my dad and step mum took me down to PICU to meet him , he was he cutest most beautiful baby i have ever seen,(yes i would say that he is my baby ). I was aloud to give him cuddles and change his bum , also i gave him his fist feed in his mouth , i gave him my best milk hat i had stored in a syringe. The feeling of holding my baby was amazing , the nurses have said he has been such a good boy he has already got certificates. Today Dylan had lots of visitors which was very over whelming for me , I just wanted to sit the peacefully and sit holding him. Dylan didn't look to scary he was rigged up to the heat monitor , also he has a set of lines in his had to they could give him antibiotics and his medicine to keep the duct open , they say on the 16th November he will have his operation. I am petrified even more now as i have met my baby i do not want to lose him. One thing that really annoyed me to day was that i told he PICU nurses that the midwife on the maternity wad didn't let me come see my baby last night and they said i should complain about her as she was not aloud to do that and if i had called them they would of came and got me. The nurses on PICU are amazing they are so kind and will explain every thing to you. They made Dylan a diary and each day the nurses and family wrote in it. The second night i had gone back to the maternity wad for a rest and my medication, i managed to express milk so i called PICU and they said i could take it over to him , So in my night dress i walked through st Thomas hospital to Evelina and sat with Dylan till 2am. I didn't wan't to go and leave him. 

The birth of my heart baby ! 12/11/10

Today i woke up to happy yet so nervous. By tonight,i should have my baby boy. My dad and stepmum had came down from norfolk and stayed the night. We got and double checked my bag , i have had to pack a hell of a lot as we know we will have to be in hospital for about 2 or more weeks. We then had to call up the hospital to see if they was ready for me and to check there was a bed in PICU. I also needed to know as i had to take some medicine before i left. When i called they was in a fluster and told me to hold on and dont take the medicine and they would call me back in a hour and let me know. Well that hour was so long ! it then went to 1 hour and 45 minutes , Well that was it for me i got on the phone and they said yes come straight in and have the baby ! Well there was a big rush we got to the train station and met mum,Then billys mum Mandy and dad Mark came and met us up at the hospital. Me and billy when up to the ward and i got took in to my own room were they gave billy his scrubs so he could come in and  be with me while i had the c section.

The glimpse of my baby i got.

The way my baby looked
 when i got to see him

They then came to get me i waited to the theater room , was so scary! i then had to lay on this tiny thin table/bed. Then they made me roll on my side on the bed and inserted the epidural , tears was rolling down my face i was just so scared. Then i had to lay on my back and they kept asking me to raise my legs , then finally when i could no longer do this so it  had worked , Well they ended up giving me two epidurals. It was so funny i had to raise my leg and i did but lost the feeling. My leg fell of the table and i couldn't pick it back up. Billy has to hoist my leg back on the table. they he put the sheet up and i could no longer see. After a couple of mins i then said to billy am i naked now , haha he said yes , i was just laying there nude with lots of people in the room . I felt so shameful. They then started and after a while billy said can i look? i said i don't mind and the nurses said yes. Well he sat back down and looked as white as a sheet and he said that is disgusting. then they said we are going to pull about now, well i was feeling so scared now is when my baby comes out to the world and has to end for him self like breath and eat . Then my baby was out, they took him over to the back and was rubbing him down and he was crying , it was so cute he little wha wha wha , I made a comment that's so cute i bet we wont be saying that in a few weeks. they then said we need to take him straight over to the Evelina, i haven't got to see him or hold him os they was wheeling him out the room they stopped for two seconds so i could look then billy went with them , while the stitched me up. I was so worried,about my baby , they then said as soon as my epidural wears off i can go and get in a wheel chair and go see him. As they was stitching me up i started to feel it i had to tell the nurse and she had to stop them and give me some more gas. Billy came back and showed me pictures of my baby . He then went down and told the family how we both was. I got took to my own room on the maternity ward as its not fair to put me with the other mums as i don't have my baby. My mum was the only one who could come up and see me. I fighted for 7 hours to finally move so i could get my self into a wheel chair. I had my baby at 3:30pm so by this time it was 9:30pm . The head nurse then came in i said can i go see my baby now . She said NO! Well i started to cry , begging her for me to go see my baby she said i couldn't as i have had a c section and over there if i have a bleed they cannot deal with me! i was devastated , not only have i not yet held my baby i dont know what he looks like (only a picture) I Just wanted my baby , i couldn't believe it. Billy went back and throw with me and my baby, who we named Dylan. Billy then went home at 11:00pm .I just had to lay in my bed with al the bad thoughts listening to the other mums baby's cry, While some one else was looking after mine, to be honest i was pissed off! Then i had to wait for my dad and Stepmum to get back up the hospital at 11:00am the next day then they wheeled me over to see my baby.

External cephalic version 2nd November 2010

Today I had to appointments at st Thomas I had an midwife at 11:00 am and at 12:00pm I had the turning of my baby. I got up this morning in a weird mood, as the leaflet about turning my baby mentioned it could stress my baby and that could result in an emergency c section. So I had to pack a small bag of essentials just in case. We got there at 10:45 to see the midwife they was really busy and only one was working. We was still there at 11:45am so I went up to the receptionist to explain I had to go down to have my baby turned in 15 mins I don’t want to be late what should I do ? She called down and they said they needed me to go down as it was a booked appointment. So she spoke to a midwife and the midwife just said re book me in for the 9th October. I was rather upset by this as I had questions to ask, and I needed some more milk syringes. As I have to hand express and store the sticky milk in my boobs.(gross I know sorry). I reluctantly went down with billy. Yet again he was not well bless him . We went down and it was packed , this made me really cross as I had missed my appointment with the midwife and looked like I had to wait long here. I quickly became tearful. But soon after a man doctor came out to me and called me in to scan me to see yet again if baby has moved. One guess nope he haven’t. So yes this meant the turning of baby. The man got me to sign a consent form , im still not sure what for. He then said this has a 40 to 50 % chance of working. I was nervous, he then said ill go in a room and have mine and baby heart monitored then some medicine to numb my tummy muscles. I was worried as I had had to go to the toilet a lot, and didn’t know how much I would be able to feel. The nurse gave me the medicine, by this time I was agitated and scared, the sun was in my eyes I had two idiot trainee nurses come in and ask me if they could watch. I felt reluctant to say yes. As soon as the medicine went in I became really tearful it stung and hurt and made all my body shake . I had this feeling and medicine. Then a lady came in to check the monitor she said its good and they could start the turning. She would have to help the man as one gets the head and one gets his bottom to move the baby. She could see I was upset and asked what was wrong this is a bad idea as I start crying more. I explained no one has spoken to me about this, so she explained a little then they started to move him it really hurt it was ripping my skin. The man was rougher. I also had the two trainees watching. I was squeezing poor billys hand I think I must have nearly broken it. Then they scanned me to see if he moved nope not an inch. They then checked our hear rates to see if we was distressed . Well mine was sky high but baby’s haven’t changed. They asked to try again I agreed. They tried going the other way. Yet again really hurt. Nope he still haven’t moved so they agreed to stop. The man explained I would need a c section as I cannot go into labour while baby is breech. So he went to book it in as I waited for the medicine to were off. Billy said that was gross my whole tummy turned sideways, he said it must have hurt. Yes he was right . The man came back and said he would be doing it and the date for the c section is the 12.11.10 . Billy made a joke all we need now is to have baby at 9 . We then left after a stressful day and got home.

Today was so painful ! Omg and the fact the turning of the baby didn't work made me so angry nothing was going right ! i guess i wont feel the pain of labor but this now means i wont get to go to my son in the Evelina straight away. Have you had a turning of your baby did it work? x 

Midwife appointment and step B 27th October 2010

Midwife appointment with Tracey today.(my local midwife) Appointment was at 1.45pm nearly didn’t make it . We went in and had a lot to tell her. We haven’t seen her in ages. I had to tell her that baby will have to be moved, also I got a call from the midwifes at st Thomas regarding my swab test. I had something called group b step. It was a bacterial thing that has formed by its self inside my vagina , its deadly to baby’s and they can catch it when they pass through the mothers. I would have to be given antibiotics at least 4 hours before I give birth and then on consecutively. To make sure baby doesn’t get it. This really got me down as if I didn’t need anything else to make my baby ill. I just kept thinking to myself someone somewhere doesn’t want my lil man to be well. Then Tracy explained a bit about it . Then she took my blood pressure and urine sample and then she went to right in my notes . She realised that I had too sets one for my local hospital and one for st Thomas. She wanted to take the local one to file away. I didn’t want this as I want a copy of it all. As this has not been an easy or normal pregnancy. I asked to keep it she said no. luckily I told her st Thomas still look at it as it has my scan results in it, so she let me keep it and said she will take it next time.


Just what i wanted to find out that i have strep B! By this point i was thinking my poor baby doesn't stand a chance , I was so sad and so fed up . I just want it to be over now! 

What is GBS infection?

Group B streptococcus is a bacteria also known as Streptococcus agalactiae. It’s best known as the most common cause of severe infections in the newborn. But recent studies have shown that it may also cause serious infections in certain adults.

Group B streptococcal infections affect one in 2,000 babies born every year in the UK and Ireland. About 340 babies a year will develop group B streptococcal infection within seven days of birth (early group B streptococcus disease).

Causes of GBS infection

The bacteria is found living harmlessly in the vaginal and gastrointestinal tracts of up to 50 per cent of healthy women (and in many men too). It may be passed on to a baby either while the baby is still in the womb or during delivery. Although about 50 per cent of babies born to mothers carrying group B streptococcus pick up the micro-organism, only about one to two per cent of these newborns then go on to develop severe group B streptococcal disease.

Group B streptococcal sepsis is most likely to develop when the baby is premature or if there has been prolonged rupture of the membranes, with many hours passing before the baby is born, or if the baby has no antibodies to group B streptococci.

In the last 30 years it’s been show to be a cause of serious infection in non-pregnant adults too. It’s extremely rare in healthy people and is almost always associated with underlying problems such as diabetes or cancer, or less often, problems with:

Just another scan at st Thomas 21st October 2010

Today we are going back to st Thomas for our scan to see if baby is still breech I can tell them he is tho. I can feel his head just on the right side near the top of my ribs. Any way we was scanned . After the scanner said what now ? She only new to scan me she wasn’t sure why. So we took the scan report and took it to find a midwife from our team . She said if baby still breech we needed to go down stairs to the, walk in antenatal care to arrange a turning of my baby .
When we got down there they said it can only be done at 37 weeks , so they booked me in and sent me away with a basic leaflet.

Today was just another scan , it getting all too much keep traveling up London to different hospitals.Not forgetting i am pregnant! Today was sort of pointless they didn't know what they was doing! I do come back for the baby turning and OUCH is all i can say . x 

Found out baby is breech 8th October 2010

Today was a trip up to kings, hopefully our last. We set off at half nine, got to Black heath and the trains was playing up. Our train wasn't coming for 20 mins. After a while it was delayed which meant we was going to be late for our appointment. So I called up and let them know, they said still try and come. So we was waiting for the train when it finaly came because it was late it was going straight past our stop and to Victoria station. I suggested we get on it then go back one stop so we did. At Victoria station it was another 30 mins till the train. Which would have been the next one from Black heath. We got on it then at denmark hill the oysters didn't work as it says we didn’t beep them at Victoria because we didn’t leave the station. Any way by this time it was 12:00 . They still went ahead and sore us. We didn't wait very long. Then we was back in the scanning room. The lady was scanning baby , I could see he is so big now. I remember when I very first saw him he was a dot . She took all the measurements. She printed us some more pics. Then she explained he has caught up in size and now weighed 4 pound 14 ounces. Getting big. But he is still in breech . She said I will need another scan in two weeks to see if he has moved into position. If he hasn't they will push around my tummy trying to move him. If that doesn't work I may have to have a c section. This is a bit worrying as now I want to give birth naturally so I can go see baby asap after birth. But the baby has been in the same position for about 6 weeks from the scans. I cannot personally see him moving. So we have the choice of going back there in two weeks or we can get our local hospital to scan us. But me and billy discussed as we live about an hour away from that one know, its just best we go to kings. Least they no why they will have to scan us. Its so not long till baby will be  here I have been so nervous, it doesn't seem real . That within two months we should be parents and have a baby at home. All the time I go to sleep I have dreams about it, not always good but mostly. I cannot wait to meet our baby boy. 

This is were i sort of realized i would be having a c section that really annoyed me as i wanted to go straight to my baby when he was born. 1 more trip to kings then that should be it , its hard work going to 3 different hospitals. 

First Echo and first meet with Dr Miller 5th October 2010

Today was our first heart scan , and visit to the Evelina at st Thomas hospital. When we got there we had to fill out some paper work and a consent form to let people use our scan for training. Billy was feeling really ill today but still made himself come.(he suffered from panic attacks). A lady came and got us and took us in for the scan she had a little chat and look at my notes, then I lay on the bed ready for the scan. The scan started I can see that my baby boy has got big as everything looks so large lol . The lady informed us she would be doing the scan then the consultant would come and have a look so that they both agree on what they see. This was ok she took lots of pictures then the consultant came in and they went through the pictures, he had a little scan of his own. By this time my tummy was sore and I had pains in my back. After they had finished they said they would take us into the room to explain things. So that’s what we did. The consultant asked what did we know so I briefly told him (this was dr miller), about the four chambers and the whole, so on. He said well you do have a good understanding. He then said one thing has changed . This is when our hearts start to go one hundred to a dozen . What if its bad news? But he explained that the small pipe going from the heart to the lungs had closed. So that meant no blood was travelling that way to the lungs. But he also said while baby is inside, there is a connector going from the other tube sending all the blood the lungs need. But when baby is born that connecter closes so baby wont have the blood supply to the lungs. So as soon as he is born he will need a drip which will give him medication to keep the connector open till they do the next step. Which could be either go in through his thigh, and re pierce the hole which has closed and insert a balloon to keep it open. This is not an operation just a procedure. Or they will have to operate and they will make there own connector. So he can come off the medication. This is a shunt. But they cannot decide which one they will do till baby is here and do scans on him. As the whole in the heart can cause some complications. We felt a bit more happy now it had been explained what will happen as he is born, before it was all maybe’s. after the consultant spoke he left us with a lady that worked in the evelina. She asked did we have any questions? Yes we had a few , like will there be something wrong with his lungs as the blood flow is messing around. She reassured us that there wont be. She then gave us some information letters. I have loads of these now . I could write a book. We then asked how do we go about arranging a visit around the evelina hospital. She said she could do it now if we wanted. We was really happy to do this. She took us to see were the special care babies are. Its very emotional in there. Then she walked us around a bit showed us to the family rooms and the breast feeding room. Then we said are good byes, (for now).

Today we ended up getting more than we bargained for we was shown around the Evelina hospital and was showed PICU , nothing ca prepare you for that , and its even worse when your baby is there recovering. 
I was happy there was finally a plan in action for when my baby was born , That's the main thing you want it stability and for you to know what is going to happen. This was our fist meet with Dr Miller he is still Dylan's specialist today. 
The pictures are of inside the Evelinas children's hospital .

Antenatal appointment at st Thomas 13th September 2010

The garden room at St Thomas . 

Today we are of to st Thomas again but today its not for scans its a special antenatal class. its with other parents having a baby with heart problems at st Thomas hospital. it felt better to know we wasn't the only ones going through this. the midwife taking the class was the lady i saw here the other day. she gave us lots of paper work and went over what i had just learned at my normal antenatal class, like pain relief and giving birth. she then went over breast feeding and what we should do as baby wont be able to latch on. we have to store my milk in the freezer and then they will give baby it into his feeding tube. i learned a bit in this lesson. we then got a tour of the hospital were we will be. we see the birth center were ill be and the room. then they took us to a baby ward if babies ill. it was emotional because there was all these incubators. but it was good to see because baby will only be down the corridor from me. at the class there was another couple that wont be induced as they also live in lee. But there baby has a different problem there baby only has half a working heart. we took lots of paperwork and dvds away to have a look at. billy really liked the garden room for pregnant women . i think he will be getting me in there lol , you can see across London. we got told tho we can only have billy and 1 more person in the room when i give birth.

Today was the antenatal class at St Thomas, i liked going to this as we was shown around the birthing suite and we met other family's that was going to be in the same situation as me . They all felt the same worry and feeling of no control. In the end i didn't get to use the birthing suite as i was taken in for a planned c section as my son was breech. Also my son wasn't in the st Thomas hospital he was taken straight across to the Evelina. 

Refused the Amniocentesis test at kings 10th September 2010

Today we have another trip up the hospital to kings college hospital. the appointment was at 10:00am . this was the hospital that thought there was a problem with baby's tummy. we was being scanned , i couldn't hardly understand the man scanning me . he said baby's tummy is better size but the whole of him is still smaller than he should be , but not to worry about he is still in range. he the asked have we been told about having the  Amniocentesis test? This is were you have a big needle go into my tummy to baby while being scanned. i asked what was it for? he said its to see for chromosomes defects. like downs. I said if you do it and find out something will you be able to cure it? he clearly said no. I then said i would not like to have it. If my baby boy comes out with downs or something like that i will not love him no less. He will still be my special baby boy. Billy also agreed, so did my dad. the scanning man didn't seem to happy i think he thought i was going to comply. i don’t want the risk of it because it can cause a  miscarriage. i cannot lose baby . He wrote a report and said he wanted us to come back in 4 weeks time. i cannot see why as st Thomas don’t want to see me any more and im giving birth there. But i suppose its good they keeping a eye on my  baby.

We didn't know why we needed to keep going back to kings it was costing so much money in travel , but i guess it was good as they was checking my baby. I still agree with not having the test done but there was one thing they didn't tell us then was ,They would of been able to say weather the second baby in the future would have a heart problem. Now Dylan is born they cannot do any tests to see if the next baby will be a heart baby. 

First midwife appointment at St Thomas, 8th September 2010

Today we are going to st Thomas hospital for the first time. this will be were i give birth. we got the train from Blackheath to waterloo east station. My mum came with me and billy. We was there early but we got seen at 9:00 am it was just an appointment to meet a midwife that will be on the midwife team that will look after me. She got me to fill out new notes as there hospital have there own maternity notes. It took an hour and a half. Then we all left and had to wait around till 12 for a scan. 12 came and we went up for a scan . We told them about babys tummy not being the correct size yet. They had a look as we watched on the screen. They was doing all there measurements we was worried encase she confirmed there was something wrong. Then she said every thing is fine (apart from his heart). We was so relived. We asked for a picture of our baby. Next thing we knew she had frozen the picture and turned it into a 3d scan it was amazing, to see our baby nearly what he will look like outside the womb. They said the wont need to see us here again as there is nothing they can see wrong with the rest of his body. We was so happy about this.

This was never racking as this is were i will be having my baby , i was so relived when they confirmed the rest of the baby's body was ok . Still sad about his heart but we have started to come to terms with it. The 3d scan was good but my baby did look like a tiny alien bless him :) x 

My First and second antenatal appointment 2nd September 2010

2nd september 2010
Today at 5pm we had our antenatal class, i was a bit worried i don’t like doing things in a group with a load of strangers, nor does billy. worst of all we was late , by 15 mins, when we got in there was a load of hassle to get seated. The lady that was talking was so boring and old. She was telling us what we had to do if we went into labour. Also the first stage of labour. Most of this didn’t relate to us as we will be giving birth at st thomas not queen Elizabeth. Also i was thinking at the time i was going to be induced so i wouldn’t go into labour my self. We finished at 7 and left, I think we will still attend next time as its a different midwife taking the class.

This antenatal class felt so awkward , we also felt disheartened that all the other parents in there was all going to have simple births and there baby's should be happy and healthy. Most of the mums in there there main worry was the pain also , if they pooped while giving birth ! Yet i was worrying if my baby would survive would i get to see him o hold him before he was rushed away. 


9th September
Today at 5 we attended our second antenatal class. its wasn’t so bad as the midwife was nice, and it related more to us she went through giving birth and pain relief. she was more hands on showed us lots of bits like if we have an epidural , we will have to have a drip inserted. They also showed us a fake model of a placenta.

This is were i had my second local antenatal appointment it was good to go to as we was shown models of things we could see when we give birth , even tho i ended up having a c section , at this point i was supposed to go ahead and have a natural birth. 

Environmental health visit 1st September 2010

Today we had an early start the environmental health man came round. i went down stairs and let him in. i showed him all of the problems like the whole down stairs, plug sockets hanging off. he said its bad you shouldn't have been moved in but we had know !So not much can do about it. He said he would be back to take some pictures. He wrote down all of the problems i showed him and mine and wills (the council mans) letter to Trevor(landlord). He then said he would go away and contact everybody he needed to. He would give the landlord a week to get things sorted or at least started. if not we was to contact him.

This was the first time of many visits from the environmental officer. In the end he wasn't able to help he wrote so many letters to the landlord.  Many of our problems was in the communal hall way , yet we also had plugs hanging off in our flat and half a plug socket boded off, the upstairs flooded our flat and the landlord done nothing. our boiler would stop working and he done nothing and our electrics stopped working for days he send a worker that couldn't find a problem. All while i was pregnant. 

2nd trip to kings , could it get worse! 27th August 2010

Today we got up about half 7 and started to get ready then realised we haven’t got to go to hospital till 10 instead of 9. Then we went to the train station and met Mandy then got the train to Denmark hill to kings college hospital. i had to have the same two scans as last time i was here. So we was nervous i went and had the heart scan there was a different lady doing my scan but the professor came in near the end had a look , then stopped turned to us again. she said that the problems from last time was still there, that wasn’t a shock to us we new it wouldn’t have gone. But then she said there was something else, the small pipe leading off from the heart wasn’t letting enough of the blood leaving the heart going to the lungs through, so the lungs wasn’t getting enough. This was a worry to me yet again another problem with our poor baby. This also means he will have to have a op as soon as he is born unlike before the professor said it might be after a year he will have a op. It started to panic me . I don’t want to see my new born baby boy all covered in tubes and to think he has to have a op. And be left with scars. He should be with us getting coved in kisses not in an operation. I asked would i be able to stay with him they said yes also he might be in hospital for 10 days to 3 weeks. after all this i went in to another room to have the normal scan to check the rest of him. everything seemed to be going well . i was happy could see my baby boy on the screen by this time he had gone to sleep bless him . He felt the same as mummy and daddy. Very worn out. Then the man doing my scan stood up and said he has to go talk to the consultant, and walked out all i could think was ow no not again is never a good sign, things cant get worse. Can they ? Then he came back in and said you have to come back in two weeks time to have the scan again. We asked why and what was wrong he said my baby’s tummy was to small the rest of him was the right size but his tummy wasn’t. I don’t quiet understand why. He then said next time i might have to talk about having an invasive test were a needle goes into my womb, along with a scan i have never been keen on the idea of this and now im starting to panic. We had to leave and just wait till next time. Its hard to think why all this is happening to my poor baby . I haven’t even been able too meet him yet , I just feel soo sad im supposed to be happy we have a baby boy on the way .

2nd trip up to kings and it just seemed to get worse! What was to lie ahead for my tiny baby ? who i am yet to meet ? 

15 days into our new flat, 18 August 2010

We have been living in our place at flat 1 159 lee road london se3 9dj for 15 days , over the time the excitement of having our own place and reality set in we had a few problems , we had no rubbish bins, no buzzer to let people in, no letter boxes, cracks in the walls , also we couldn’t open or windows more than to inches and the down stairs street door was also our fire exit. Billy called up our landlord Trevor told him all this he said thing will be sorted leave it with him . i called up the gas company and gave them a reading and told them the reading from when i moved in. they said that the last owner had given a false reading which is our landlord he had tried to make us foot his bill.

This is the communal hall way! Flooded

These are just the beginning of our problems we ended up battling with the community law suit and we went to the local mp and the council ow and the environmental health.Yet it one us no good we had to stick it out till the end of our tenancy. This was not what we needed when we have found out we have a poorly baby on the way . As if we didn't have enough on our hands. 

First midwife appointment 16th July 2010

I had an appointment at the doctors with my midwife,  i explained everything and she tryed to explain the best she could back to me because by now i had got in such a fluster and couldn't remember all of what was going on! She got the doper and listened to baby’s heart beat . This nearly made me cry to hear it so strong yet he has so many problems. the professor said he should be ok all though the pregnancy and maybe up to a year before he will need an op, and that i would have to give birth at st Thomas hospital so he could get the best care. and that i would need to be induced. Here came the worries what is I went in to labour before the due date what if I wasn’t near the hospital would my baby survive , will my baby be took away from me at st Thomas.I couldn’t help but keep thinking  how will we cope will he survive.

Im so glad i had this midwife i managed to have the same one all the way through. She called up st thomas and asked all the questions i was worried about . She even came to see me at home . The feelings was so sad at this point of my pregnancy.

The first trip to kings 11th July 2010

the bottom drawing is dylans heart ,
the top one is a normal heart. 

Today we had our appointment at kings college hospital , dad and emma (step mum )said they would come down and go with me and billy. we met them at london bridge and got the train to denmark hill to kings hospital. all week i have been sad and worried . it was good to have dad there. we went in for the heart scan we had a lady called professor allen scaned me and she was just looking at the heart after about an hour, she stopped and turned to us and said its not good! straight away billy put his head down, tears whelmed up in my eyes , she carried on to say he has bad heart complications it was called corrected heart transposition of the greater arteries, and he also had a hole in his heart. by this time tears was rolling down mine and billy face it was so hard to take in.Our poor baby boy. Why us!  professor Allen carried on to say we had two choices we could terminate the pregnancy or to carry on. if we was to carry on our baby would have to have operations nearly all through his life. it was all so hard to take in . she drawd a picture to try explain what was going on with his heart. i was trying to keep strong for billy he was soo sad and angry i think it had hit me too much. i didn’t know what to do. but straight away we decided that we both wanted to carry on with the pregnancy. this was our baby and for me i had felt him move i could not let him go . we then had another scan to check if he had all his fingers and toes and things like that . the man clarified he was a baby boy , did put a smile on my face. things was soo hard . How do you cope with the fact your baby is so poorly and he isn’t even born , we was torn apart , The lady also said she would espect my son to live to 20 .

Well today was the first of many trips to Kings , it must of been one of the hardest days of my life , up to that point ! how do you cope , the sadness the anger. This is were my normal pregnancy went out the window ! 

2nd scan the start of our heart baby ! 8th July 2010

Today we had our second baby scan .Me and billy sat there and watched our little baby on the screen .It was so good felt so real. I could feel him kick and i see the movement on the screen . The man was doing all the measurements, we asked to know the sex, he said its a baby boy but he wasn’t sure as baby was laying in a funny position. We was soo happy to know we was having a boy :) then the man said he had to go get someone. Our faces dropped this is never a good thing, the other lady came in and started to scan. She finally said we would have to be referred to kings college hospital to have a heart scan. She said that there was parts of the heart that she couldn’t see. I was so worried and scared for my baby , I didn’t know what to do we just had to wait till we went to kings , everyone was saying everything will be ok just wait and see and not to worry. This pissed me off th most as how do they know it will be ok ! THEY DONT!

So here i am so great full to the man that done our scan, as he managed to pick up the problem with my sons heart. Many parents don't know till after there baby is born , in some way this is harder living each day worrying thinking the worst , but the good thing was we got to prepare. Also my son wouldn't of survived if we didn't know as he needed medicine as soon as he was born. We felt so scared and felt lik why was it us ? Why our baby ? 

Attempt to get our own place! 2nd July 2010

Today we have been down to the council to try and get our own place,(wish we had both been working and could afford our own place,but that's not how it always happens) We had a bidding number all ready, but that was no use as we needed a place asap to be able to take our baby home to. So we had a meeting to get everything on the move. We was told we was able to find a 1 bed flat and they would pay for it so for weeks we was on the phone calling up estate agents trying to find one that would work with the council. We managed to find none. So after lots of calls and searching we finally spoke to the right man and he said he had a new build above a derelict pub it was a 1 bed, So things was looking good.

This is only the communal hall way! 

Its was so hard to finally get our own place but in the end we had a nice 1 bed not far from family , but boy it came with problems , things new parents to be don't want. Like all the other people in the block was either criminals or women who get beaten by their boyfriends. Not o mention the problems the house brought like damp mold, stolen post , leaks, broken boiler and so much more here is a sneak peek to what we went though. 

My 12 week scan , 11th May 2010

Today is the day I had my first baby scan .Billy came with me I was so excited i couldn't wait to see my baby on the screen. I don’t look pregnant yet as im only about 12 weeks pregnant. They done the scan and billy squeezed my hand as we could see our baby. The baby has got bigger since the first time i saw him (obviously) he looked more like a baby than a dot. We bought lots of scan pictures. As far as we knew everything is all well with our baby.

This is the day we had our 12 week scan and , it was so special to see our baby on the screen finally looking like a tiny baby , we was told the things every parent wants to hear. That our baby is well and health as far as they can see. Boy how it changed from this scan to the next . We bought lots of scan pictures but selfishly didn't want to give any away. We had to share them tho . This was when i was 12 +4 weeks . 

First antenatal appointment 5th May 2010

Today I had my first antenatal booking .Me and Billy went down to queen Elizabeth hospital to the women’s ward, I had my bloods taken and was weighed. then we went into a room with a midwife and she filled out my maternity notes. It took ages then I got given my maternity pack and notes. We went home and had a good look through everything. it was starting to feel more real as im going to have a baby i was soo excited .

This is were i got interrogated about my family history and our lifestyle , while filling out the maternity notes. Luckily the lady was a very loud and bubbly lady. The feeling of this is real , i am pregnant came across me . 

Pregnant and stop smoking ! 29th March 2010

Today i have made an appointment to go to the doctors and get help with stop smoking as i wanted to give my baby the best start in life . i was determined to give up . Everybody says smoking can harm your baby and the chance may be small, but i didn't want this to happen. I got the inhaler and patches to start me off. By the 11th may I had not had a fag, so I had successfully given up. Billy was grate he done it as well but he done it without patches or any help. We started having more money as well i think i ended up with £50 more at the end of a month then i did when i was smoking. 


Today i am happy to tell you about the accomplishment of us both becoming more healthy and stopping smoking , i am still not smoking and my son is 19months old. This iam very happy about as i wouldn't of wanted to be beside his bed in PICU and have a craving to leave him and go for a smoke. 

First hospital trip ! 26th March 2010

Today I went down to queen Elizabeth hospital to a walk in clinic. To check everything was ok with my baby as i was in a bit of pain. I am only 6 weeks pregnant. They done an internal scan which is not very nice but for the first time i see my baby on the screen he was only a small dot. The scan flagged up a small bit of blood in my womb! They didn’t think it was anything to worry about but made me an appointment to come back and make sure it has gone. I got to take a baby picture to show billy . Here the worry's begin the scared feeling like already its going wrong . The next appointment cannot come sooner.

This is my first trip to the hospital i knew something was up . x

Day the in laws found out! 18th March 2010

Today I woke up really tired saw billy to the door and went bk to bed. Woke up bout 9am when mum left 4 work. Laid in bed watched jermmy Kyle (yes that rubbish) and had a cuppa and fag.(don’t worry I give up soon). Then got out of bed and got ready to go out. I decided to walk around the corner to my agency to tell them I was pregnant the lady said congratulations and she will make a note that im pregnant, and asked can I still work I said yes so she said could I work next week at the colour house I said yes, but Tuesday I got doctors to help stop smoking,(told you it was coming) and realised Monday I got jobcentre. Then realised I cannot do more than 16 hours work but I need the money. So im going to tell the jobcentre I got a weeks work so stop my jsa and then ill start to reclaim it. I will also change doctors appointment . I got home and lazed around mum came in didn’t seem in such a good mood. She showed me some good deals on baby stuff at macro so I can get a few bits. Billy txt and said he has told Gina (his sister) and she is happy. He just waiting 4 his mum to get in then he will tell her and his dad. Billy called again he was on his way around he told me once he had sat his parents down and told them, they had great big smiles on there faces lol . Witch this made me happy but my mum was even more grumpy because every1 is happy about it. Then we went and got the train to Woolwich dockyard and got of walked into woolwich and got a burger from Mc Donald’s. Then we went to see Donna.(a friend) After a while we decided to tell her she was soo happy for us she shouted Beth (her daughter) and said Beth they are having a baby !. So much for keeping it quiet!.

The day after finding out i was pregnant 17th March 2010

Ok today I was going to have to tell my dad before somebody else did! Now my nerves was going hundred a minute. I had a lot to do today, so got up and had a bath. Got ready and got the bus to Woolwich. I went straight to the housing office , were I see an old neighbor . I had ticket number 25 and it was only at 7 not looking good I saw a peace of paper on the chair beside me. Had a look and it was number 10 so when number 10 got called I looked nobody went up so I did! I explained I was pregnant and had 4 months to get out, they said well u need proof u are pregnant, and to fill a form out . The lady said I wasn't likely to get a place till baby is born unless I get an shared accommodation.(which means billy cannot be with me) Leaving there a bit bummed out I had to go in baby shops and look at baby clothes and maternity clothes . Thinking I’m going have a big tummy like that. Then reality hit again so I shot of to what I thought was connexions, but its changed name and appearance. But anyway I had to fill out a form then I got to speak to an ad visor she said it was unlikely I was going to get a job as no1 will want to take me on because im pregnant, and she thought I should do volunteer work so my cv looks better after I have had a baby. And she said there nothing that I can do about a house apart from keep crazing the council. She gave me some paperwork about what money I will get while being pregnant. And I looked at some jobs , she gave me some application forms for me to send off. I went home I called Emma (my step mum) and told her , well she guessed I was pregnant, she wasn't happy she was more disappointed then anything. She asked me if I wanted to have an abortion I said no because its like killing my baby. Well she said she would tell dad tonight because he might take it better from her. So at 5 I received a txt from him he said he was cross with billy because he had asked him not to do this and he said he didn't want to see me and he didn't want to know .This broke my heart. The main thing I wanted was my dad and his support, then he txt and said I knew u would fuck your life up in London, I don’t want to know any more. I said im your little girl and will always love u no matter what you think, he txt back and said your not my little girl no more your going to have your own baby your going to be a mummy, but ill always love you but I didn't want this 4 me or you. which broke my heart, because deep down ill always be my daddy’s little girl. Over dinner i was teary. billy had a heated conversation with woody about the pregnancy then we went to bed, one bad thing I haven’t wanted intercourse which isn't fair on billy. (suppose this is to do with my hormones and the thought of having a baby inside me). 

So this is the second day since finding out i was pregnant, i am doing a few days at a time of it will be a long time till i get through the diary . feel free to comment. 

The First Chapter! 16th March 2010

This is the beginning to a very special journey. Were i was over whelmed with emotions and considerations. 


The Start: 16th March 2010 

 Today I got up and said good bye to billy then I went to make myself a drink and mum said come and have a fag with me, I ended up telling her I think im pregnant and showing her he test's. She wasn’t happy saying u better not be! Now panicking I waited till 8.30am and called doctors .I had a appointment at 10.30am .So mum went to work and I got ready, I started walking up the hill and thought I saw my step dads car, but anyway walked to the doctors I was a little bit early so sat out side worried smoking a fag.I knew this was wrong but at this time i was not sure i was pregnant. I could see what I thought was my step dads car. I went in and he was in the waiting room I told him what I thought I was there for.I went in to see the doctor, I showed her the two pregnancy tests I had done, she looked and me with a blank face and said well your pregnant, I said are u sure? Don’t you want to do a test? She replied no because they are the same and it says your pregnant! Ok now worried I thought do I txt billy and tell him he is going to be a dad! or do I txt Dan and ask him to wait 4 me? Because I was so excited and scared and just wanted to tell some one.(Billy was at work) I was excited but worried at the same time. Anyway she took a urine sample to send off and gave me a letter to go up the hospital to get a blood test. She said she has booked my antenatal class and my first scan and will receive info in the post. I went out side and told dan he said my first congratulations and it meant a lot. Then I called billy and said your going to be a dad ! He was  happy and said he wanted to cry! Anyway dan gave me a lift home then I wated for the man to deliver my new bed. I had to call mum because she asked me to let her know, so I did she wasn’t sure if I was telling the truth. She wasn’t happy. My bed arrived and I put it together its big and looks good i'm happy. Billy came home and was excited and then we walked to hospital and got the blood tests out of the way, then I went home, billy went to his 4 dinner. Mum came home and didn't say much, I could tell that she had told woody(her partner).We had a chat she was disappointed in me! I went to bed that night with lots of thoughts going throught my head like how to tell my dad and brother and worried of what there reaction would be.What will I call my baby and where will I live? How will I cope with money.   

So here is the first day i found out i was pregnant . check back tomorrow for the next day . x